Being in charge of your own emotions allows you to be two persons:
One is a practical and smart being who is full of fear; afraid to fall for she is sure that no one will catch her, scared to give everything for the thought of it all being unrequited ‘til the end, and unable to fully trust anyone because of the fact that no matter how many times a person promises not to hurt you, it will always be a promise thrown into the void.
The other one, however, is carefree, in the most literal sense of the word. She is unafraid to plunge herself into the unknown future, not caring if someone will catch her or not. Because at the end of the day, the thought of being hurt is frightening but normal. If she falls, bruises and wounds will heal and if scars appear, it will just be a reminder of what should not be done again.
Both can live inside a person; and it is up to her who she chooses to dominate her life. One of the two can just be an insignificant other, pushed to the shadows and kept hidden while the other one takes over.
I envy those who are able to control their emotions to let the carefree side of them conquer their personality. I was always much of the practical and fearful person. I over think things, my own decisions value so much to me that by the time they are made the opportunity is gone.
Yet fears are fears to be conquered. Someday, maybe someday…
I’m going to start posting again then some will ask what it is that made me come back; truth is, I was never gone. I just grew tired - everyone else does.
This time, though, there is change - everything will be more personal.